-It makes more sense than a couple of other things.

Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

"The page to come and visit for a fabulously sensible intake of poetry straight from the divinest of inspiration - and it's only a bit tortoisy. A cracking good read if you're under anaesthetic."
Lord Elpus - The Guardian

Saturday, April 4


Those dreaded words -
drifting to our fearful ears through the garage door.
'Don't go out and buy a new one.....I can mend it!'
OH DOOM!! and deep bits with disaster!

Poor broken umbrella, very poorly, but not quite deaded.
Now you face you're worst nightmare.
You are grabbed and carted into the garage.
He is striding his death march - armed with

tape and glue and string and a snorkel and a dingy and oars.
Then hours later - he emerges with the proud smile.
'I've mended it!'
You've become a bent metal spider on a deformed cloth frame- pitiful.
Once a defender of raindrops and icy winds,
Now - well, I fear for you, Brolly.
A clattering, ricketty mess.
You fought the battle of the January storms of '87.
But the electrical tape, and the bailer twine has broken you, my friend.
Poor brolly. Father mended you.


  1. After a small ceremony, Brolly was pronounced dead and taken to the tip. The other brolly's are now observing and three week period of mourning, and are living in constant fear of 'The Mender'.

  2. The funniest thing I've read since the last thing I read.
    Go, Bernard! Yay!!

  3. What was the last thing you read? I hope it wasn't a government publication...