-It makes more sense than a couple of other things.

Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

"The page to come and visit for a fabulously sensible intake of poetry straight from the divinest of inspiration - and it's only a bit tortoisy. A cracking good read if you're under anaesthetic."
Lord Elpus - The Guardian

Thursday, October 27

Mary Cowbag-Thing and The Unmentionable Word

I've been considering the core of the world's ills this week and I think I have come to the conclusion that there is one word responsible for every blunder, cover-up, scandal, disaster and crisis. It is a special word that I have had the misfortune to be associated with for almost two years. You see, it is also the cause of male pattern baldness, grey/white hairs (wherever they may be...), nervous tics, punching people, shouting and swearing, excessive pointing and eventual lunacy. This is the first time I've posted since freeing myself of this abhorrent condition.

Look at the woman in the picture on the left. Her name is Mary Cowbag-Thing. She is on a committee, you can see by the way that she is clearly farting about when there is plenty behind her that needs doing. She is looking at the camera and basking in the attention, whilst leaving others to pick up her slack. She will have more cups of tea that others, and talk piffle to appear knowledgable. Her bland clothing hides a danger most horrid.

This is a very good friend of mine who is suffering the devastating effects inflicted by Mary Cowbag-Thing and her kind. Unfortunately, my friend looks like this all the time. We cannot tell which way round she is any more. It's tragic. This all came about from the sheer strain of having to organize the tasks around Mary Cowbag-Thing. Communication is when this horrific kind of symptom is inflicted, and there is no known cure.
The grey hair is excessive here, due to overstimulation of the area of the brain that copes with futility and frustration. The only way this woman could have saved herself was by employing the aid of a cudgel. However, with Aunt Vom in the nick again, no-one heard her cry for help. Bless her - she is in all our prayers.

I will not write the appalling word out in it's entirety, but so that you may guard against this peril, I have made a vertical acronym to soften the blow. Even so, be careful and keep a darkened room and a cool flannel nearby.



  1. A most astute observation. I have another such word, often used with yours:


  2. There's a very amusing rhyme about committees. I'm sure you'd like it, and you've probably heard it before. I can't remember it myself but it's a dilly. Isn't it amazing how fast pills wear off these days?

  3. Argent, dear, that is a fabulous addition. They can be so mentally exhausting that you could chew your own foot off.
    Will, my little three bar heater, I would love you to remember your rhyme...and if you need more pills I'll collect the mushrooms tomorrow and wash the beetles later. x

  4. Well said Auntie, Committees are the root of all evil, there are simply far too many of them and they should be stopped. I propose we form an anti committee committee immediately in order to combat this problem.

  5. I seem to be on a permanent committee. For all the notice my family take of me, I might as well be addressing all my remarks to the chair (the table being far too snooty to indulge in idle chatter with the likes of me).