-It makes more sense than a couple of other things.

Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

"The page to come and visit for a fabulously sensible intake of poetry straight from the divinest of inspiration - and it's only a bit tortoisy. A cracking good read if you're under anaesthetic."
Lord Elpus - The Guardian

Tuesday, April 14

Bumped Into Father In Town

Ah, can you stop for a minute?
Well, I don't want to hold you up, but -
I've been talking to a man - you know the one,
called Bert
his wife,
Eileen - VERRRY ugly,
is eighty seven and has a wooden buttock. You've seen it.
Marvellous for her age.
Oldest woman in Trebollocks with a Glider's License.
And her son has a glass eye.
Well you know I told you about their eldest son, Bunstable -
well his new French wife, Sardine -
She's French.
And she knows an incredible amount of things about Trout.
She did a day course at Bibury Fish Farm,
where she got an honours in Fish Fondling. She's sought after,
But unemployed cos it's not the sort of thing you admit to, you know?
Well, I've got a leaftlet on it, if you want.
Anyway, I'll push off, got some pickled onions on the go and the cat needs a perm.


  1. This made me laugh out loud. I know someone just like that!!

  2. I said 'Hey Tortoise , you've got a wattly chin'
    The tortoise, clenching it's claws, retorted indignantly, 'I beg your pardon?'

    Not wanting to risk a brawl I said

    'Er, umm,I've got a bottle of gin'

    'Good man' said the tortoise, 'let's have a drink.'

  3. Your town must also have the blessing of great oddness! Wonderful!

  4. Wonderfully stream-of-consciousness piece which just goes to show. So diverting, in fact, that I forgot to put the hemlock in the wife's cocoa and put it in my own inst

  5. Ditto Will, I love 'em stream-of-consciousness pieces and this was a good one.

  6. This really does sound SCARILY familiar - do you think that all your followers have the slightest clue that you are ACTUALLY genetically linked to such a person.

    Gotta go - Hamster needs her peroxide rinsing.