-It makes more sense than a couple of other things.

Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

"The page to come and visit for a fabulously sensible intake of poetry straight from the divinest of inspiration - and it's only a bit tortoisy. A cracking good read if you're under anaesthetic."
Lord Elpus - The Guardian

Saturday, March 26

Numpties, Arseholes and Dickheads

In Trebollocks this week it's National Numpty Day, and we're invited to vent our spleen on the issue in the form of poetry, creative dance and abstract music. Well, my dancing days are over, as most of me is wooden, and the tortoise hates music, but I'm a dab hand with a quill. This is dedicated to any annoying people you may know, or who may have affected you lately. Feel free to copy and paste this simple, moving poem. Yes, copy and paste it, paste it on someone's front door after they've got up your nose, or better still on their forehead.

It's an awareness week of helping those people who continually talk utter bollocks and get on your tits to really recognise their full potential and leave you alone. Join in, and really let someone know you'd like to hit them with a frying pan today. Because you're worth it.....

Whether you're whingeing or moaning or what,
It really doesn't matter to me, no, not a jot.
Just pass me your nicest most favourite cup
And I'll make you a hot brew of Shut The F**k Up!!'


  1. Oh Auntie, you are so rude, but I still love you. I wonder who could have been the inspiration behind this golden gem of verse!!

  2. This is great! I'm copying and pasting this one for sure (with appropriate credits to you of course)

  3. Your way with words is second to none, well when i say none their might be a few. That John Wayne block sorry bloke was good. Keep up the good work I watch from a far sort of.

  4. Your poem cuts through the excess effluvia to the very heart of the matter with unequivocal clarity.

  5. awesome poem...what can i say!

  6. Don't you think it would be kinder just to gun them all down, rather than subject them to such cruel taunting? The facial expressions and gesticulations which must go together with this awesome poem can only be imagined through a welder's mask.

  7. You are too quiet, Mare, has the hedge fallen down upon you?!