Mad Weebles And How To Spot Them

This is a Mad Weeble.....he looks harmless enough, doesn't he?

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Well be warned my friends, he isn't. Many of us find ourselves in the presence of at least one during the course of our lives, some of you may even live with one. Some of these characters appear charming on first contact, and seem relatively docile characters. Eruption can occur at the slightest trigger, and it's best to be prepared. Here are a few ways of recognising the Mad Weeble in your life, and the dangers to your sanity that they pose.

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According to government researcher Prof. Hengist Gribble, most Mad Weebles find that the onset of their symptoms occur after retirement, and these symptoms are aggravated by things like common sense, reason, rational argument, and the desire to have fun.

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The symptoms of a typical Mad Weeble are delusion, over-inflated self image, a massive ego, ideas of grandeur, fibbing, general unpleasantness, repetive verbal diatribes, witty anecdotes that aren't funny. Common sense responses to this behaviour do not work, it is pointless ignoring a Mad Weeble, as is arguing with one. Appearance is often importance in Mad Weeble recognition, many are vast in size, have little beards and bad breath.

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Some famous Mad Weebles include, Stalin, Leo Sayer, and on occasion, Christopher Biggins. It is best not to put up a poster of a Mad Weeble, as this only serves to continue the feeding of the ego. Never phone one up for a quick chat - it is like listening to white noise and the receptors of your brain will never be the same again. Mad Weebles cause headaches and swearing fits in ordinary humans - lawsuits are particularly difficult as a weapon, and very costly unless your solicitor fund has come from your swearbox.

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The toppling of a Mad Weeble is difficult - but it can be done. Although weebles generally wobble but don't fall down, they can be put on their arse like any other deranged nutter....if you know how.

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The Seven Steps To Wobble A Mad Weeble

First - find and recognise your Mad Weeble, and determine their worst symptoms.

Secondly - warn others around you of these facts while not alerting the Weeble itself.

Thirdly - let the Weeble think you are stupid - this lulls it into a false sense of security.

Fourthly - once it shoots itself in the foot - admit you've known it's plan all along.

Five - watch the Weeble's face go white, and watch it wobble.

Six - laugh: this drives them nuts and sends them into a meltdown.

Seven - stand back, light your pipe, and admire your handiwork.

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Although the Weeble doesn't physically fall down, it will not know it's arse from it's elbow for many a moon, which is the next best thing. It will now avoid you like the plague, and never cause you headaches and swearing fits again.

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If you need further information: contact Mrs Giddy Kipper at the Manchester Frog Sanctuary who will be only too happy to help. With frogs, that is, unfortunately she knows nothing about Weebles.