-It makes more sense than a couple of other things.

Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

"The page to come and visit for a fabulously sensible intake of poetry straight from the divinest of inspiration - and it's only a bit tortoisy. A cracking good read if you're under anaesthetic."
Lord Elpus - The Guardian

Sunday, April 19

For Arseholes Everywhere

(kind of need to sing this to 'The Sun Has Got His Hat On)

You're head's stuffed up your bottom,
Your head is not quite right?
You've had a cob on all day long,
You're looking for a fight.

Run into my bunched up fist and
Mind my bended knee.

This is dedicated to arseholes everywhere. Read this and remember those who've touched your lives by annoying the living crap out of you. Rejoice at their utter utter stupidity, at their thoughtlessness and their unrelenting drivel. The unforgettable ones who steal your recycling bin, who let their dog poo on your lawn, who ruin your work day with stories of heartrending details of divorce or heartache. Bless.
Bless their hearts. And bless yours by buying a crossbow.


  1. ROFL - I shall have to commit this to memory and go around quoting it everywhere!

  2. I nearly missed this one - it's a gem!

  3. I'm so glad I read this pinacle of literary achievement - I shall add it to my extensive repertoire and use it when next in Court.

    Yours James Fotherhythe-Blenderbland - Justice of the Peace.