-It makes more sense than a couple of other things.

Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

"The page to come and visit for a fabulously sensible intake of poetry straight from the divinest of inspiration - and it's only a bit tortoisy. A cracking good read if you're under anaesthetic."
Lord Elpus - The Guardian

Saturday, April 4


Is that you on the floor?
Doing your trundly dance?
Eight legs and eight hobnail boots
That hold me in fearful trance.

Is that you on the shelf?
Spying down at me?
Eyes on stalks and hairy legs
You move not naturally.

Is that you on my head?
Oh Shit! Yes! I am right!
Now you're flat 'cos I've hit you with my shoe
And my visions full of flashing lights.


  1. Love this poem, love your photo - I'd know you anywhere! Is it OK if I use a haddock from the freezer to keep me safe from evil forces?

  2. You can use a haddock (smoked will last longer), but I do recommend keeping it in a ziploc bag for avoiding certain anti-social behaviour orders. A-thankyou.