-It makes more sense than a couple of other things.

Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

"The page to come and visit for a fabulously sensible intake of poetry straight from the divinest of inspiration - and it's only a bit tortoisy. A cracking good read if you're under anaesthetic."
Lord Elpus - The Guardian

Saturday, April 4

Mary Table

Mary Table with your feet,
and hip and wooden eyes,
we know your coming round the corner
from your moans and heavy sighs.
At the bus stop you're the worst by far
much poorlier than the rest,
then you cough and retch all over us
and you don't even wear a vest.
With a Vicks Sinex up every nose,
and a Lemsip who knows where?
dressings and plasters on everything
and hot water bottles in your underwear.
Don't fly or you'll get 'DVD's' you say,
and the train gives you the flu,
and as for the woman dead from pneumonia,
she didn't have it as bad as you.
You're a medical oddity, you really are,
with the St. Vitus Dance you still stood,
and the Christmas Cholera you had last year,
that didn't stop you eating xmas pud.
You'll always have something dreadful,
a rash, or a deadly racking cough.
but be thankful you're still alive,
and that none of your bits have dropped off.


  1. I know this woman but her name escapes me ... it's on the tip of my tongue. I think it begins with an S.

  2. wooden eyes? That's a new one on me though i did have an incredible Aunt with two wooden legs and real feet.

  3. real feet? that's a rarity in our family - were you blessed with other such luxuries?