Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

-It makes more sense than a couple of other things.

Mad Aunt Bernards Tortoise Poetry

"The page to come and visit for a fabulously sensible intake of poetry straight from the divinest of inspiration - and it's only a bit tortoisy. A cracking good read if you're under anaesthetic."
Lord Elpus - The Guardian

Thursday, April 9

Woodchuck Work Ratio - For The Mathematically Minded



This is a very hard sum, worked out for Heather, who commented on the fact that I should not ask questions about woodchucks and their work ratio with out the backup of advanced mathematics.

Pah!

Well, I've got the measure of you, lady, with your fancy ways! So, here is a very hard sum. I have calculated that 612 over 35-7 for the thing, needs to be timesed by a 4% drop in activity on a 16min tea break. Then times by a 124 degree beak ratio over a wide angle of 631.444 doobreys, divide by Widdy, and add the number of wankel rotary engines in a seven mile radius over a log pile of 619.

The result is: A woodchuck can clear 6 logs, 4 twigs, and clear 2 piles of leaf litter when he's almost finished.

(And yes, I have shown my workings!!! :-P)


Scratched with a crow claw by: by the sundial hour of

11 comments:

  1. Totalfeckineejit9 April 2009 at 18:07

    Sorry Aunt B,I have to confirm that Edwood Woodwoodwoodchuck disagrees with this but then when it comes to chucking woodwood he woodwood woodent he? (Some say his acting is a bit wooden , but I wood not, that's just a load of old (wood) rot.

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  2. Heather9 April 2009 at 21:44

    What about the sawdust? There's no mention of that.

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  3. Will11 April 2009 at 01:38

    I tried to check your figures but there's no doobrey button on my calculator, so I'll have to take your word for it. Love your blog, Aunt B. You're clearly barmy, which I find irresistibly endearing.

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  4. Kush11 April 2009 at 13:53

    Very very well done. Dunno why Heather is not but I am thoroughly convinced with the calculation.
    And I second Will that you are endearingly barmy, Aunt B!

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  5. Raph G. Neckmann12 April 2009 at 04:26

    I can't work out the mathematics at all - but what beautiful calligraphic handwriting you have!

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  6. Mad Aunt Bernard13 April 2009 at 19:28

    Thankyou Raph - the mathematics are quite simply a load of old piffle and designed to confuse people with too many woodchuck questions. It's worked fabulously, as my own mother is perplexed and now babbling about sawdust issues...poor soul.

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  7. Heather13 April 2009 at 21:19

    Poor soul indeed - you're not too big to put across my knee young lady!!

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  8. Mad Aunt Bernard13 April 2009 at 21:56

    Ok! There was no sawdust as he was chucking the wood, not sawing it with his little beak. I know you are looking after the dog this week (:-D), but that does not mean I will lie down and roll over to heavy criticism of my very hard sums!! And I will remind you, lady, that I am taller than you now, and can still 'fold you up' by applying pressure to your collar bones! x x x

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  9. Heather14 April 2009 at 20:11

    Alright, alright, I give in. But only because I'm old and tired! I shall sit quietly in a darkened room and work out my revenge!! I might even knit you something for your birthday - that should be awful enough.

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  10. Mad Aunt Bernard14 April 2009 at 20:23

    The hoover's on the blink, could you knit one of those?

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  11. Daddy Papersurfer4 June 2009 at 07:54

    I believe you've forgotten the dropping differential 4/10 good effort

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